Fear

I've been thinking about fear a lot lately. I thought I was getting better at not letting my fears hold me back, but I've realized that I've still got a long way to go.

Tomorrow, I'm going to an oral surgeon to have three wisdom teeth removed. I couldn't have it done at the dentist office, because one of the teeth was too impacted. And why was that? Because I waited too long to go to the dentist. In addition to that, I have to get two root-canals, a crown, and additional cavities filled. Why? Not because my dental hygiene is all that bad, but because I knew I had problems...and waited to long to get them taken care of. Why? Because I was afraid.

I was afraid that things would be bad. Which is pretty ridiculous when you think about it. Of course things are going to be, the longer you wait, the worse it gets. But I let my fear control me and waited forever to get things taken care of, and now, they really are bad. A self fulfilling prophecy.

And now, as I embark on my artistic career, fear is getting me again. I thought I had mastered it when I decided to give my notice at work. See me? Aren't I brave? But now...fear is getting me again. Its time to look for work, to get some clients lined up, so when D-day comes and that steady paycheck is gone, I will already have work coming in.

But I'm having a really hard time. I'm spending a lot of time on job forums, looking at work, and yet I'm applying for hardly anything. Because I'm afraid I'm not up to the task, or I'm afraid that I won't actually get the work. Freelance job boards are a pretty completive market, some times you have 50 different designers bidding on the same job. So I don't bother.

See the problem with this? If I don't ask for any work, I won't get any. Plain and simple. So what if I only get 1 out of 10 contacts I make. I need to looking for those ten, so that I can score the one. But I have excuses aplenty. And I think its not only fear, but also pride. It sucks to get rejected.

So now, its time to just suck it up, ditch the excuses, and really start digging.

Some more things up for auction

A few more art up for auction.

Art Sale!

I am having a BIG sale on a lot of originals art over the next week, as I try to raise money to attended the annual conference for the Society of Children Book Writers and Illustrators (SCBWI) in LA. Bid early and often and help send this starving artist to the conference! Here are a few of the items already up for sale. You can view all items for sale here.

Starting at $25

new Art: Come Play with me!

I finished a painting today, called "Come Play with Me!" I painted it in photoshop. I had started this painting quite a while ago, but got stuck on it. On Saturday, I attended my first meeting of the OC Illustrators (the Orange County chapter of SCBWI), and got some great advice on the painting from Bob Singer, a really awesome animator. I just joined SCBWI two weeks ago, and so far, I've been very happy that I have. I would like to attended the summer conference here in LA and sign up for the portfolio review, but I have to figure out how we can afford it. But I think it would be worth every penny.

New Art Doll: Skawril

I was out in my garden, and I stumbled across this little creature in one of my planters. She was a little startled to be caught by me.

She is about 14 inches tall, made of Puppen Fimo, and is posable (even her tail!). She has big black eyes, little horns on her head, and a furry brown tail. She is going to Expo in August.

Egbert, new doll WIP

Here is Egbert. He will be holding a dragon egg. Making him has been so much fun, he kept me up til 11 last night, even though I had to work today...

Special kudoes to Susanne, for lending me her camera so I can take pictures again!

Trying to find my priorities

The last couple of days, I've been trying to figure out what is the best way to spend my time, what things should I be focused on, as far as marketing, production, etc. There are so many things I do, and want to do, some times it is hard to know where to spend my time.

So I thought I would put it down on paper. First I listed off the things right now that I am doing art wise. Then I rated them on a scale of 1-5 on the amount of money they typically can bring in. Then I rated them on how much I enjoyed doing each activity. This is what i looked like:

Activity Income Enjoyment
Art Dolls:
Illustration:
Web design:
Graphic design:
Original art:
Stuffed animals:
Prints, etc:

So sitting back and looking at it this way, it was quickly apparent the there is one thing that I really enjoy doing, and has the potential for bring in a decent amount of money at the same time: illustration. Web and Graphic design have good potential for bringing in money, but I really don't enjoy it as much as other things. But selling original art could bring in some money, and I really enjoy it. Looking at the list thusly, I ordered them by priority:

Illustration:
Original art:
Web design:
Graphic design:
Stuffed animals:
Art Dolls:
Prints, etc:

I still put web and graphic design high on the list, because lets be real, we must pay the bills, yes? BUT I can be selective on which projects I work on, which will increase the enjoyment factor.

This was really helpful for me. Now I know I need to spend much more time sending out promos to publishers, updating my illustration portfolio and such. In the last few months, the illustration side of the biz has been a little neglected. But no more!

Sketch book complete! Retrospective

I finished my current sketchbook, yay! :D In celebration, I thought I would take the opportunity to look back at some of my other sketchbooks over the years.

These were done in 1992. I was 10 years old. My parents paid a family friend and artist to come to our home and tutor me in art. (Every young artist-to-be's dream come true!) These are some of the drawing I did during that year.

This was drawn in 1995 (I was 12 years old), during my 7 grade art class. I used either a magazine picture, or an old calendar as the reference for it.

A self portrait in 1997 (I was 15 years old), right after coming back from a school banquet (Translate, Christian school version of prom). It was late, thats why I think I look tired. :p

Another portrait, 1 year later (1998, 16 years old). And I think after anther school banquet! So weird that I would do that... I think it was because I was all dressed up and felt pretty.

In 1999 my family took a road trip around the western states (Wyoming, Colorado) and I took my sketchbook along. I think it was the first time I really seriously sketched the things I saw around me, and was please with how I was able to capture them.

A self portrait around 2000 (18 years old). I drew this picture when I was very upset about something. Luckily, I can't remember just what exactly. This was my senior year of high school/first year of college.

A ink sketch of my step-father Albert while he was preaching (just recently added the paint to it as a gift for my mother), and a dragon rummaging in my purse (also drawn during church...bad girl)

These are from some of the art classes I took my freshman year. Finally, my humans are really looking like humans...

Unfortunetly, after 2000 my sketchbooks became very neglected as I discovered PHOTOSHOP! Oh joy of joys. :D My sketching was mostly in the margins of my notes and on church bulletins (still a baaad girl). Here is one drawing from 2005 I did, a character design.

I hope you enjoyed this walk down memory lane!

Wendy Froud Workshop

This weekend, I took a three day sculpting class with Wendy Froud. I had an awesome time with the people in the class. Two of my doll making friends (Dawn Schiller and Alyssa/Faerydae) came down and stayed with me and we took the class together. Talk about being able to totally "geek-out" over dolls for a full weekend! Its was very...interesting and frustrating working with a new clay, but I really like the look of it in the end.

Here are some WIP pictures of my doll over the weekend:

And the finished doll, PANDORA:
She is 16 inches tall, posable, made of FIMO soft.



And some pictures of Dawn's and Faerydae's dolls:

Purple Grumpy Bunny

This is a very grumpy bunny. I think its because he is having a bad hair day. I found him throwing a tantrum in my art supplies. When I told him how cute he was, he nearly bit my hand! He needs a new home, and some one who can cheer him out of his bad mood. If you think you are up to the challenge, please take him home today.

He is made of "fuzzy" fleece, stuffed with soft polyfill, and is about 5 inches tall. $18.00. Poke the grump.

So hard to get work done...

When I have this at home... Thats right, we bought season 3 of Battle Star Gallactica. Sooooo good. Season 4 starts on April 4th on the SciFi channel. Think we can get through the whole box set by then?

Top Ten Reason to Watch BSG Season 4

Kyra: Art Doll

Kyra is completed! She is made out of Dawri paper clay, my first experiment with this type of "clay". She stands about 15" tall, and is posable. I used acrylic eyes for her eyes, first time for that as well.

I'm tickled with how the skirt turned out, it is exactly how I pictured it.